The defeat within

I have fallen again. The other day I thought of going to Chennai, to render a hand in the rehabilitation camps there. Got all excited and all geared up. Again one of those things which u want to do, because you REALLY want to do.
Then came the planning and friends gathering part- are you in, do u wanna come, can I count u, the office servicve organization, talked to a couple. Answers- ya, lets see, is it wise etc. Result- wasted an hour. Time to get back to work. After some time, felt like giving it a second try. Asked some more pals, this time came the advices- boy you will create more chaos, it won’t help, infact it doesn’t make sense!! Ok ok..I am convinced. After all everyone gave reasons. Will have the New Year party here in Hyderabad, that’s the sensible thing to do!
Now this isn’t the first time this has happened. Looking back at the reasons I am not sure that is this because I tend to go along with people or may be simply I am not sure of myself. BTW, am I sure of anything? May be that’s why I really look up to people who live by their beliefs and their ethos. I too try that umpteen times, but alas! The second hander in me wins :-(

Passing thought:- Apni marzi ke kahan apne safar ke hum hain, rukh hawaoon ka jidhar ka hai hai, udhar ke hum hain.

the jog, the walk and the mind

Thup..thup...thup...thup man I am jogging!!…haaiiiiiii poor me, I run out of breathe!
Cm'on I got be fair to myself. This is the first time I am doing unwanted physical exertion. I have generally been a lazy kinda guy, and to make me do something like this might require a kiss from a real beauty. So what could be the reasons for this morning mishappening in my life? Needless to say the reasons got to be really BIG.
1. People kept telling me to do so from a long time - it’s good for health, you gotta maintain and the rest of the crap, and it came to a point that I could not avoid.
2. My roommate who has put on weight beyond limits (I expect his comment now) thinks the same for me. God, how can someone keep imagining thinks just to please or rather console himself ;-)
3. Finally there are times I feel that I might have put on a little weight, so there is no harm doing the morning round of jog ;-)
4. Now factually speaking the weighing machine REALLY thinks that I am not the same person as I was a year ago.

So the jog has started. The frequency isn’t bad too – 3 times in 6 days. I am making it on alternate days just because I really don’t want to tone up myself overnight and make all the dudes and hunks uncomfortable around myself ;-). Now how does it go: It’s a brisk walk from my home to the pakka road, and there I go ruuuuuning, ‘am really good! Okie huuf huff..I take a walk, walk a little more and there again…run…run..run..stop quickly. Thats less, but okie I have just begun. Turn back to home. Walk time baby..walk, walk, walk…waaaaaaaalk. Hello! Mr. Rathi you were here to jog, oh ya! Run again. Seconds later - STOP. Waaaaaaaalk. Hmmm..had a good work out. Must have chicken today!!

Now why do I say this? Today while on the way back, I got lost dreaming something while jogging and after a long time realized that I had come a long way without stopping. How come!! Later on while climbing the stairs I realize that in almost all the prior cases whenever I stopped for the walk it was not as if my legs were calling, but the mind - which kept telling me that I have done enough. Just need to get lost at times to get the best out of myself. A beautiful morning indeed :-)

Passing thought:- Limit is in the mind, the sky is just an excuse.

A bunch of hunch!

Now what’s this? The CAT results were supposed to be out around 25th of December. That is around 5 days after I wrote my previous blog, but they were in the air after around five hours of my writing about them. And ya, I did not do well.
What am I suppose to make of it? It’s not the first time when I have had the hunch of something coming, pleasant or not is a separate issue. But this time I am myself taken aback. Is there someone up there giving us our so called gut feelings and the hunches…may be yes! Waiting for the hunch which will have a reason to smile.

Passing thought: - The old man over the clouds is sending the signals, just that the frequency is not matching.

Of aspirations, ambitions and desperation

The CAT results will be out in a week’s time, and it again makes me uneasy today. Now I am no einstein or something, but then ya! I do dream. Actually this whole MBA thing is not about big dreams or those $$$ salaries. There are a few things that you just want to do in life, because u REALLY want to do them. Things that you feel suit you best and you would love doing it, but they constantly elude you.

By now I know details of almost all the colleges in here (and across the oceans too), from their lifestyles to their curriculum. I have read multiple MBA blogs and stuff and checked hundreds of sites involving the same. In short I have gained enough insight to discuss the topic of MBA entrance and future prospects with aplomb. But the bottom line is I have not done well in the exam, Too much na!

So what’s the whole point writing all this after coming to office on a holiday? Of late and even more today I am realizing that this dream is slowly shaping in to desperation and making me increasingly uncomfortable. Questions come hitting - Am I being too ambitious, am I dreaming beyond my potential? I heard that you can fight your way out of anything, and I have generally been a ‘fight till the end’ kinda guy but in this case either I am not fighting out well or the end is too far. Whatever it is, I hate to say this but it feels like...I am giving up!

Anyways I feel much better and the initial excitement of writing a blog is dying, so till the next post you guys….Keep Fighting!! :-)

Passing thought - The best part of having a Monday off instead of a Saturday – there are no Monday morning blues.